7 Terrace Avenue, Nanuet, New York. A quaint little house. The roof tiles resemble the stark black scales of a dragon, one laying one on top of another. The matching color shutters frame the windows and separate them from the wash of white colors along the walls. Directly in front of the house is a large patch of lush green bushes ranging from 5ft to a few inches tall (My favorite part was decorating the bushes for Christmas with a bunch of light nets, it would look A1). The patch is lined with a curved cement walkway leading to the front door.
Entering the house you may hit your head on the door as it’s almost exactly the average height of an adult male (My grandpa starting bleeding cause of this one time, just thought you should know). The entrance is a cramped hallway leading straight into the kitchen. Directly to your right is a light wood brown colored closet, contrasting the medium blue walls. Walking forward, the carpeted living room is on the left hand side. A cozy room with a wide coach lining the window side wall and a coffee table with two cushioned chair placed on the front and back end. Two small tables with lamps act as bookends to the wide coach. Across from the living is a staircase leading upstairs to the bedrooms. Next to that is another staircase leading down to the den.
Moving further down the hall, you finally reach the kitchen. It may, at first, seem like you accidently walked into a different house with the striking lime green walls and modern furniture (This was the only part of the house that we ever redid). The dark wood table acts as the main view of the room, accentuated with the stainless steel chandelier right above it. The walls are lined with new appliances and stark white cabinets. The wall on the back end of the house is made up of tall glass pane doors leading to the patio and pool area (You could never go in the pool if it was less than 90 degrees out or else you would probably die of hypothermia). Attached to the back of the kitchen and living room is the formal dining room. There was no extra space for anything but the 10 seat table used almost exclusively for puzzle solving and family gatherings.
Moving back into the hallway using the stairs leading up you reach a four way intersection. One leading to the master, one leading to the bathroom and two others leading to other bedrooms. Directly above your head is the entrance to pitch black attic that more than likely has spiders and maybe a rat (I rarely went up there except to get the Christmas lights down like I mentioned before). On your way back down the stairs, a closet door enters your view directly to the right of you across from the entrance to the master.
Finally entering the last part of the house, you traverse down the claustrophobic stairwell, leading to the entertainment center of the house. To your right, a huge old fashioned TV (You know those old box TVs? Yeah one of those but massive). A large cushioned recliner sits directly in front of the TV, with an L-shaped couch adjacent to it. The wall behind the couch was lined with multiple wooden closets doors (To be honest I have no idea what we kept in their because I never went in them). Our desktop computer had a cozy little resting place within the wall and the shelves were cluttered with various papers and photos. Right in front of the computer was a treadmill (Do you honestly think I used it? Because I didn’t).
1:This is a mediocre description of a house ;).
ReplyDelete2:I liked the first paragraph the most, due to the first couple sentences. I loved the introduction and the description that followed, along with how you tied in a memory.
3: In every paragraph micro detail is used, describing the house in 100% detail. The third paragraph contains the most in my opinion, especially since you include the commentary about the pool and how the dining room table is used for puzzles.
4:Even though I liked it the most, the first paragraph had the least description. It just didn't cover the entirety of the yard and the street with the level of detail that was used elsewhere.
5: Again, the first paragraph just doesn't have the same level of detail.
6: I enjoyed how you made it feel like we were in the room with you. I have no extra comment but, uh, democratic socialism is communism. I mean, socialism. :)
The third paragraph of this blog is what really stands out to me to be the best paragraph. You use experiences about your house to give the home life, rather than just an empty appearance. The first paragraph was a little lackluster, however it picked up. The reason for this is because you do not have a lot imagery in it. It was also a little vague in the first paragraph. Overall the use of imagery could've been better, but it got the job done at describing your house, especially in the first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your blog, I can say that the dominant impression the author provides about the description is that you are describing what seems to be your old house. I found your third paragraph to contain the most description compared to the others since you described the specific qualities of the kitchen in your old house, such as when you wrote, “The dark wood table acts as the main view of the room, accentuated with the stainless steel chandelier right above it. The walls are lined with new appliances and stark white cabinets. The wall on the back end of the house is made up of tall glass pane doors leading to the patio and pool area (You could never go in the pool if it was less than 90 degrees out or else you would probably die of hypothermia).” You use concrete micro-detail and sensory imagery effectively in instances such as when you said, "To your right, a huge old fashioned TV (You know those old box TVs? Yeah one of those but massive). A large cushioned recliner sits directly in front of the TV, with an L-shaped couch adjacent to it. " and “A cozy room with a wide coach lining the window side wall and a coffee table with two cushioned chair placed on the front and back end. Two small tables with lamps act as bookends to the wide coach.” Your description is least successful towards the middle of the blog because it lacks the specificity that the previous paragraphs contained. You were vague in your writing when you wrote, "Entering the house you may hit your head on the door as it’s almost exactly the average height of an adult male (My grandpa starting bleeding cause of this one time, just thought you should know)." It is ineffective because it doesn't seem to have the same effect as some of your other more descriptive phrases, and the personal commentary felt out of place. Overall, your blog post was descriptive, met the requirements provided by the prompt, and it was an effective piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteYou are describing a house. I think your last paragraph is the most descriptive especially when you talk about your TV and furniture. Again I believe you use description most effectively in your last paragraph because that paints the most clear picture in my head " A large cushioned recliner sits directly in front of the TV, with an L-shaped couch adjacent to it." Your third paragraph could use a little more detail of the kitchen as well as the pool. In your fourth paragraph you just kind of skimmed through next time go in depth more. I really liked the voice of your article as well as the style which makes your blog very interesting to read.
ReplyDelete1) The main idea of your post was to describe a house. (Lol this sounds so basic)
ReplyDelete2) I thought your second paragraph was the most interesting because you used imagery throughout that I could imagine happening myself, which was also humorous.
3) Throughout your whole blog you used details and descriptions that were very intriguing.
4) I couldn't find a place in your blog where you lacked details.
5) The last part of your blog seems a little rushed, but thats the only vagueness I could pinpoint.
6) A house is often boring. But I feel like your writing was able to amp up the idea of a house. Good job Vinny!
1. In your own words, paraphrase the dominant impression the author provides about what is being described.
ReplyDeleteThe dominant impression I picked up from this piece was just a solid description, straight outta HGTV (and trust me on that, it's Jakee's favorite channel to fall to sleep to, it's always on at least one TV in my house). It's a pretty cute description and kinda serious, yet some of my favorite parts were when you wrote in parenthesis and really brought your own personality into it.
2. In which paragraph or paragraphs is the description most interesting and why? Be specific.
I really liked the very beginning and not just because of the A1 lights. I liked the description of the roof tiles and the symmetry of matching shutters. I also think your description of your cozy room in paragraph 2 was solid and your only renovate home in the house was detailed.
3. Identify several places where the writer uses concrete micro-detail and/or sensory imagery effectively. Be specific on how/why this was so effective.
Love love love how in paragraph 1 you compared your roof tiles to the scales on a black dragon. I really could see that for some reason and it had stuck out in my mind.
I also liked in paragraph 2 how you described the door as the "exact height of an average male" however I would like a quote from your grandpa detailing his experience about nailing his head against it and proceeding to bleed.
In paragraph 4, as much as I dislike rats and cannot stand spiders, your sentence "the entrance to pitch black attic that more than likely has spiders and maybe a rat" gave me the chills just by imagining what it was like to see that attic. Probably would kill me, I can't handle spiders no matter how hard I try.
4. Where is the description least successful and why?
I think the description is least successful in heart of the second paragraph, because you get into describing the house rather than describing the feelings that surround the house and the memories you have created there. It gets to be a little too much of "there is a black chair pushed into the brown desk and there is a yellow pencil sitting on a piece of unused white paper" sorta thing rather than the smells or the feelings or the sounds you experienced.
5. Identify places where the writer is vague or uses abstraction. Be specific on how/why this was ineffective.
I don't think you were vague anywhere in this essay, very very descriptive I just wish you had executed more of an appeal to pathos. This house seems pretty cool and it seems like it must've been a solid part of your childhood and I wish you had attacked those perspectives a bit harder. But maybe I could be completely and totally wrong in what I'm sensing and you don't actually feel anything about this house other than the fact you lived in it haha.
6. What did you like best about the essay and anything else you'd like to say to the writer.
I liked the descriptions of everything, you really put a lot of thought into colors and how they mix and the exact layout o your house. I could see myself walking through it with your descriptions. (However, my favorite parts where were you used parentheses and brought some of your own humor or jokes or fun facts into it.) Good job, Vinny, see you at school!!